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'We hear what we want, and disregard the rest.'






 
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macker/Male/31-35. Lives in United States/noo yoahk/poughkeepsie/IBM, speaks English and English. Spends 80% of daytime online. Uses a Faster (1M+) connection. And likes photography/reading.
This is my blogchalk:
United States, noo yoahk, poughkeepsie, IBM, English, English, macker, Male, 31-35, photography, reading.

myers-briggs type: iNFj

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thursday, november 28

you ARE the weakest link, macker
aww, man. I missed ernie's
weakest link episode.

p.s. I have a confession -- I am having a torrid affair with home star runner.

wireless RAWKS
cogent thought at 00:26 courtesy of Macker [ ]


wednesday, november 27

dtechnology is da BOMB
finally took
jason kottke's words to heart and bought a wireless hub today. suffice to say this edition of the Experience comes to you from my recliner whilst listening to my family chortle at ice age.

as overheard by my son: "they have a lot of tragedy there."
cogent thought at 19:13 courtesy of Macker [ ]


tuesday, november 26

open letter to owen
hey owen!

yes, my sitemeter link count is a reasonable representation of the site's traffic. it does not include my personal hits (I filter them by ip address through sitemeter), so it is not a totally raw number. the totally raw user count since 4/19/02 1:42:05 PM is 18228.

numbers are certainly cool; it's really flattering and humbling to know people care enough about what you write to keep coming back -- the "naked.com" google searchers notwithstanding. there is certainly a fine line between attracting and retaining an audience and keeping them coming back for more. witness ernie, who, God love him, struggles with the tail wagging the dog in terms of serving up relevant, funny content on a regular basis. at some point you reach a critical mass and you are slave to the blog. maybe that's why I have not been so consistent of late; I like the traffic, but not enough to really induce myself to think and feel my way through all the stuff in my head that might be worth seeing the light of a cathode ray tube.

like the new site layout! you seem to be enjoying the process of re-creating yourself, whereas I'm content with mine not being broken at the moment. but what with all this newfound creativity in my head, I think I should consider revamping the Experience. we shall see.

keep those cards and letters coming in!
cogent thought at 10:54 courtesy of Macker [ ]


monday, november 25

link of the day
how+do+bats+find+there+pray
cogent thought at 11:36 courtesy of Macker [ ]


friday, november 22

of deep thoughts I cannot conceive

God's omnipotence means [His] power to do all that is not
intrinsically impossible. You may attribute miracles to Him,
but not nonsense. This is no limit to His power. If you choose
to say, "God can give a creature free will and at the same time
withhold free will from it", you have not succeeded in saying
anything about God: meaningless combinations of words do not
suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the
two other words "God can." It remains true that all things are
possible with God: the intrinsic impossibilities are not things
but nonentities. It is no more possible for God than for the
weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually
exclusive alternatives -- not because His power meets an
obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we
talk it about God.
... C. S. Lewis (1898-1963), The Problem of Pain

cogent thought at 10:33 courtesy of Macker [ ]


thursday, november 21

the day I met george w. bush
I was at his ranch; it had the oddest looking stream surrounding it, that seemed to flow in an almost inverted manner.

dubya is the nicest guy in the world when it comes to greeting people: affable, friendly, direct. a piercing gaze that doesn't let go. a firm grasp, a firmer temperment. talked of his pleasure to meet me, to introduce me around to the friends and family gathered there. later we were in the den, and he spoke of us all meeting and "talking" after dinner. he never said it, and I can't explain why, but I was certain the topic would be foreign policy, though I recall no indication of thinking afghanistan or iraq. in retrospect, france comes to mind . . .

I met a number of guests; one stands out in particular as being near catatonic. I only noticed this when, upon shaking their hand (I no longer remember if it was a man or woman), they put their head on my shoulder, and in spite of me taking two or three steps backward, they neither loosened their grip nor removed their forehead from my shoulder. when I was finally freed from their clutches, I began to mingle with the other guests in the den. it was then that I noticed dubya and his closest advisors were no longer in the room. they had slipped out and I never even noticed! I remember meeting the first lady and one of his daughters, all the while wanting to refer to her (the daughter) as "laura." I felt a slightly abashed when, on smiling back at mrs. bush, dubya seemed to think I was gazing a little too intently at his daughter; his face gave away his disapproval. that is about when I noticed he had left: shortly after shooting me an angry look as his daughter shifted uneasily in her chair. unfortunately the damage was done; there was no malice or impropriety in my gaze, nor was it even directed at the first daughter. I was crushed.

then suddenly the whole bush family was gone, leaving the guests to watch television. we had been duped! we were a photo op; or true guests, but only for the time it took to say hello and shuffle us off to another room. I felt like as I did on holidays with my family: several years older than all my cousins, but not yet old enough to sit at the adults' table. frustrated and humiliated, my disapproval for dubya began to match his seeming disapproval of me.

as I was waking up, I recall being very angry at the bush family. or perhaps disillusioned. and I wondered what the president must really be like in person. I suspect he is, indeed, very affable in the presence of those closest to him, and a presence to be reckoned with in the presence of everyone else.

though the desire is different for both, I have no less desire to meet bill clinton than I do to meet george dubya. both are leaders in their own right, and both stir certain positive feelings in me. clinton is a man who I believe truly feels others' pain. what his motivation is for feeling it is not at issue; he's an empathic soul. he looks to connect with people, at their level, in their circumstance, in their time of need. whereas bush feels deeply too, I believe his persona is to counsel people in their strengths; to appeal to their own self-sustaining mechanisms to rise above their circumstance.

I think we need both. and the part I needed in my dream wasn't the part bush was giving out.
cogent thought at 16:40 courtesy of Macker [ ]

a leadership quandary for the ages
walkerville 115, lakeshore 2
cogent thought at 15:47 courtesy of Macker [ ]


wednesday, november 20

this week's sign of the apocalypse
what would Jesus drive?
cogent thought at 10:15 courtesy of Macker [ ]

educate that
called my instructor tonight. two times running, have had the most life-affirming, and fundamentally centering conversations I have ever had. finally, someone who understands me! keeps running through my brain.

an amazing lady, she. more amazing is the wisdom she imparted. too much to share, too much to digest. suffice it to say, I wish more people were so ... centered. so creative. so in the moment.

but the coolest thing of all?

my growth is a fulfillment of one of her dreams.
cogent thought at
00:03 courtesy of Macker [ ]


monday, november 18

educate this
so you may recall I was in
buffalo over the summer. took two courses. aced 'em. loved it.

just got my research paper back from the first course. didn't know how I did on it, but knew I did well, given my course grade. did well, but that wasn't the best part. this was:

Consider contacting the author - you two would make a great educational team!
I encourage you to do more of this kind of thing (using other materials as well). What a gift you have to help people learn.

nothing like having an instructor you respect and admire flatter you ... but even more important than the road less travelled is the path never before considered. this is a new branch of thinking I had never encountered.
cogent thought at 17:58 courtesy of Macker [ ]


sunday, november 17

please understand me
I took the full myers-briggs type indicator (
mbti) tonight on paper ... but I wanted to see for myself how I scored, and cannot find the full test (without paying for it). so I tried a jungian alternate, and they scored me as a counselor.

whatever.
cogent thought at 21:56 courtesy of Macker [ ]


saturday, november 16

signs of the end of the age
hey kids! you needn't bother your parents to obtain an abortion, but if you want to write about why it's important to keep that "right", you will need to have them
sign this form.

lifted from outland
cogent thought at 16:24 courtesy of Macker [ ]

overheard
location: my kitchen, nearly noon. lazy day, everyone still jammied and not quite ready for the cold, rainy afternoon ahead.

from upstairs my oldest son yells down to my wife.
him: "I need a hammer."
her: "what for?"
him: "to button my pants."
brief pause.
her: "come on down and get it."
cogent thought at
12:00 courtesy of Macker [ ]


thursday, november 14

come to me like little children
my youngest son turned four today. I had always said he would be born on the 15th, but he was fifteen minutes too early for me to be right. it may be just as well; I suck at betting, and that small margin of error serves as a reminder. probably the only reason a person with as addictive a personality as my own didn't go into gambling (or drinking): I knew the odds were not in my favor.

tonight he came to me, unbidden, and said he knew where Jesus lives.

I bit. "where?"
"in heaven. and in the stars." (he says stawuh, like he was tony soprano's own flesh and blood.)
"know where else he lives?"
"where?" (wheyah?)
I tapped his chest.
he smiled a knowing smile. "in my heart." (haught)
"that's right. the Bible says Jesus stands at the door of our heart and knocks, and if we open it, He will come in and live with us."
"and He comes in if we say yes?"
"yep."
clutches his chest.
"I opened it, daddy."
cogent thought at
23:28 courtesy of Macker [ ]


tuesday, november 12

what we're really doing when we should be working
taking great delight in reading
mango pudding blues's epic tale, soup lab.

seems there was this very serious soup-off, see, and ...

the kicker is, you have to follow a couple weeks' worth of archives, which means scrolling to the bottom of each and working your way upwards. a total joy to unravel, and by the time you are done, you too will be adding him to your permanent link list. thank timothy for me finding him.
cogent thought at 21:44 courtesy of Macker [ ]

love letters
from my five-year-old daughter, who is just learning to read and write:


To bigm
io ig pkfd
sis fif
usfi
kme
pfd hupfnpf


translation: dear daddy, I love you.

it's the simple things in life that make us happiest . . .
cogent thought at
14:07 courtesy of Macker [ ]


monday, november 11

on dancing with the one who brung ya
kurt warner is on the mend (say hallelujah, say amen). in his absence, marc bulger dug kurt out of the 0-5 hole he dug, almost single-handedly. all praise and blessings galore be bestowed upon our new favorite ram.

but there is a serious controversy brewing here for the true rams fan: who should rightfully lead the rams back to respectability now that warner is on the mend? on the one hand, he is the man who brought the team to the promised land three seasons ago. he is the most accurate passer to play the game. when he is in his flow, he is incredibly deadly with the long ball. and yet he nearly single-handedly dug the 0-5 hole the rams found themselves in when he went down with a broken finger.

on the other hand is bulger, a no-name, late-round draft pick who just happened to step up at the right time. he has an accuracy not unlike his predecessor, and an unlikely hero story to match. he came out of nowhere, showed poise and enthusiasm, and proved a worthy leader to dig the rams out of their six-game losing streak. now standing a game away from .500, he is only starting against chicago because warner is not yet 100% healthy.

but when warner is healthy . . . should he again be the starter? bill belichik of the new england patriots showed that you don't bet against a hot hand, and he bet the house on tom brady. brady delivered, and the patriots won it all.

but what of loyalty? the leader must decide whether the wins in the short term are compelling enough outweigh supporting the key people who brought you thus far in the long term. clearly head coach mike martz is putting all his chips on warner once again, as he did when they were an eternity out of first place. now that they are but a handful of games away from contending for a playoff bid, he is willing to set aside the newcomer-cum-"sure thing" for the horse that brought him this far to begin with.

part of the fun of rooting for a team is second guessing personnel moves and chance happenings that define the ups and downs of a season. clearly we as fans have the luxury of questioning the head coach, and every right to be disappointed in our team's failures. thinking we know better, we are within our liberty to rage at the television.

much of the joy of gametime is the freedom to be another person -- to live a fantasy, if only for a few brief moments, that we are part of the winning moments. the visceral rush of seeing our player score cannot be easily described in words, and the high the player feels keeps many a player in the game even past his prime.

but when the game is over, the high has subsided, there is still a lesson to be learned. when we are in the same situation at work, who are we loyal to? how much of the hot hand means justifies the long term ends? what of the leader to whom we answer for our livelihood? the pastor who corrects us? the friend who has a very solid reason for telling us things we do not care to hear about ourselves?

what then of our loyalty?


cogent thought at 15:46 courtesy of Macker [ ]


saturday, november 9

reality at random
one must really be interested in writing something to spend any time at it ...

conversation between my daughter and me at bedtime:

her: "will you always be my daddy?"
me: "of course!"
her: "then don't get arrested."
me: "why would I get arrested?"
her: "for driving too fast."

. . .

after watching the end of saving private ryan tonight, I wonder what 20-40 year-olds think of world war II. war truly is hell. but would that particular war not prove that it is sometimes a necessary evil?

after sitting through the first seven post-modern, existential rants that comprise waking life, I wonder now why I found men in black so deeply satisfying.
cogent thought at 23:30 courtesy of Macker [ ]


tuesday, november 5

left with the truth, right in my mind
I'm happy to say I did not vote the party line today. but I would be remiss if I were to suggest I colored outside the lines much. and therein may be part of what I perceive as the problem with the current system.

I'm all about inclusion, while at the same time very much for individuality. I'm one of the most tolerant, diversity-loving people you know, though I tolerate reactive language ("I can't do that; I don't have time; I could never aspire to anything higher in life") very little, if at all. in fact, it is one of the few things that might actually cause me to violate your personal space and tell you to get over yourself and accept responsibility for your life.

the two-party system in new york seems to be on the verge of being, if not overtaken, certainly thrust into a muddy listing of special interest parties: working families, green, right-to-life, independent, and about a dozen more I'd be hard pressed to recognize. but the fact that they are there suggests I'm not the only hardcore idealogue with feelings of party disillusionment. I'm sure it was bound to happen, but I'm not sure either party has worked very hard at addressing it ... nor should they necessarily be responsible for being all things to all constituents. should our vote really be taken for granted as either republican or democrat? doubtful. either the party becomes too fragmented to be truly representative, or it becomes a caricature of itself, and only the most radical, unrational viewpoints are accepted as the litmus test for inclusion.

don't believe me? when was the last time you heard the word "republican" from the lips of a democrat and not heard such phrases as "right-wing", "radical" or "extreme" in the same stream of conciousness? or when have you heard a republican actually refer to a democrat without labeling (and thereby equating) them as liberal? bet you dollars to donuts you can count the times on one hand. this, assuming you have had multiple, cogent, and reasoned discussions with a person of an opposing political view. I'll spot you two times this year, best case, and I am pretty sure I'm being generous.

as with most things, I side with scalzi on the notion of registering independent. so much so that I decided yesterday this would be the year I finally track down the local board of elections office and move my name to a new -- and growing -- ledger. this despite my absolute no-compromise stand on "choice", which is, pro-choicers offer fewer choices than pro-lifers. at least, fewer than this pro-lifer.
cogent thought at 16:05 courtesy of Macker [ ]


monday, november 4

family ties
I bonded with my mom last night.

she's in from budapest, where she defies all manner of stereotyping to perform various and sundry spiritual feats of strength. her official title is "minister of helps", but the role is pretty multifaceted. not that I have ever paid much attention; at least, not until her last trip here in september, when it mattered because it was fodder for my newfound love of creative problem-solving techniques.

which also kind of sums up my level of interest in what my mother is about over what I am about. a typical visit with her when she is in the states is to catch up on common acqaintences (friends, family, fellow church folk), and my agenda. very rarely do we engage her life stories. though this is not by design on my part, I can't put my finger on whether it makes a difference to her what she is doing.

so last night was a first of sorts, in that we had not had an extended, mutual give-and-take discussion in years. to be sure, most of it was related to my own personal trials with church leadership, a topic (and a common cast of characters) with which/whom she is intimately familiar. so the agenda, beyond airing my grievances, was twofold: get her perspective of the people involved, and further my own agenda to the extent that her influence would work on my behalf.

and yet what macker would envision for his own gain, God worked to a Greater Good.

what I needed (in addition to a very long nap) was to be acknowledged for what I was feeling, and not summarily dismissed with a litany of ways to rectify all the issues on my very long list. what I got was a very willing ear and a very open heart. my mom and I connected, because she was willing to set aside her agenda and hear mine. and having unburdened myself to her, knowing by then I could trust her to just listen, I was able to hear some very timely wisdom (and some very revealing insights).

too often I have wanted to push my agenda, "knowing" it to be valid and right for the recipient. too often I have given short shrift to the concerns, complaints and fears people raise in objection to growing. too often I have left an encounter thinking I have done them a world of good in drawing from my infinite wisdom, when in fact I have caused more pain or confusion.

two times this week I have seen the priceless value of just shutting up, and earning the right to be heard. it is in those moments I have seen God's wisdom allowed to take root in someone's heart.

and in the process, I have seen two very important relationships begin to flourish.
cogent thought at
16:28 courtesy of Macker [ ]


sunday, november 3

googlisms
my current favorite:
macker is gone and left me the keys to the kingdom
cogent thought at 10:36 courtesy of Macker [ ]


friday, november 1

the kind of leader I aspire to be
cogent thought at 11:57 courtesy of Macker [ ]

 
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