can you reach me? being a leadership nut in another life, I amaze myself at how quickly -- and easily -- I am prone to wax intellectual about the principles of influencing others. took another course on how to communicate effectively for maximizing leadership / influence potential, even. (not that it sounded so ... self-helpish. honest.)
the proof positive that leading is all from the heart came tonight, as it usually does, in subtle moments of opportunity wrapped up in the form of a long phone call with a close friend who is suffering his fair share of slings and arrows. it is always a given that perhaps we suffer some of them needlessly, by our own care and indifference, or outright ignorance. so it was tonight, but most were not self-inflicted.
regardless, the opportunity to lead came, and I took it. willingly, even graciously. but I seized the moment. and you know what I did?
I listened. for nigh unto an hour. held the phone to my ear, made several key acknowledgements, but otherwise just listened, held my tongue, and focused on hearing his fatigue and anguish.
and then, true to form, I prayed for him. don't know how you non-Jesus freaks do it, frankly, without prayer. my hat is off to you if you can manage your life without resorting to crying out to someone else to bail you out.
then he prayed for me. and we acknowledged each other, and our respective need for being bailed out, as only good Jesus freaks can do; by falling on the Rock that is higher than us.
and in the end, I influenced him. perhaps not with respect to my own agenda -- for we all have one, do you not agree? but I influenced him to find some rest and a place to recharge and attack anew. but with perhaps a newer, fresher perspective of his circumstances. and some good takeaways to learn from these moments that plague us all.
I led my friend today, it is my hope, to a higher place. and neither a place of my own, or a place I would have necessarily had the presence of mind to lead myself. but I was willing to listen, I was gracious and humble throughout, and we are both the better -- and the stronger, as friends -- for it.
I haven't felt this gratified about laying down my own agenda in a long time.
besides, I'm too distracted to write anything of note ... the lost dogs are in town. thought ever cross your mind that you might want to meet the macker live and in person? hear my goofy humor for yourself? punch me in the mouth for my freakish rants? here's your chance! check the schedule on the dogs' site to figure out where to find me tonight/tomorrow night.
on second thought, if you want to meet me only to assault me ... don't check the schedule. it's ok, really. I'm not as good at turning the other cheek as I might oughta be.
that's how we're praying in the macker household: extreme faith, subversive love.
just how subversive? a lot like this: no one has greater love than to lay down his life for his friends. would you willing trade your life for your beliefs? would you sacrifice yourself to see your cause, your values, upheld? what if by dying the sum total of your life purpose could be accomplished? for me, it comes to this: if I could exchange my life for ed's, reassured he would see an eternal life sentence with Christ as a result, I would willingly give it. this moment. Jesus did it for me; if I proclaim to love Christ as only a true Jesus freak can, I can do no less.
my life for ed's. it's a fair trade if it assures him a full life sentence.
so here is the real challenge: what are you willing to die for? and when you have come to that conviction in your heart, what then are you willing to live for, in order to see it accomplished? because you can't really live for anything until you are willing to die for it.
what's worth more: what you'll lie for, or what you'll die for?
what spiritual, social, emotional, psychological or economic mountains are holding you back from living a sentence of life, and life to its full? you may not know what they are -- or that they are there at all -- until you are ready to sacrifice your very life in the name of your values.
a brilliant piece. there was something truly ... synergistic ... about kurt cobain and the nirvana boys. they touched a number of people in such a deeply visceral way that the intensely emotional response to his suicide probably should not surprise. on the other hand, the last great rock poet/philosopher of our time was john lennon, so it should also probably not surprise that people were looking to buy into someone.
clearly cobain suffered torment from any number of demons, and being thrust into the limelight as "spokesperson of a generation" was an undue burden to bear. to say nothing of the fact that I am not sure how, exactly, he represented the likes of me.
ironic to me that by the time someone reaches cultural prominence, (s)he rarely continues to speak for the marginalized masses (s)he was originally purported to represent. by the time dr. martin luther king, jr. had reached the american mainstream with his message of racial equality and nonviolence, he had shifted his focus to the vietnam war. granted, king was using his platform as a means to speak to other "injustices", but typically once a person reaches national icon status, they have become part of the establishment. look no further than such notables as ice-t, ice cube, and barbara streisand.
only it would seem that the money and fame (or possibly notoriety) wasn't enough for kurt to overcome the demons. perhaps that is to his credit, in a perverted logic sort of way. not only did the money and the notoriety not tempt him to be something he was not (or not willing to become), but it ultimately drove him to become ... more who he was. put another way; did his fame cause kurt cobain to be driven deeper into his fractured psyche?
more important is this: what is it about such an individual that resonates with us? did kurt speak to me in a way that was meaningful and conducive to change, or did I just connect with his angst? and what of it? certainly there is something to be said for having been close to someone, if only in spirit, because of our perceived relevance of their self-expression.
but what do we do with that relevance? is it meaningful enough to connect, if only to say "I too have a substance abuse problem"? or "I too have contemplated -- and even attempted -- suicide"? perhaps, if it leads us to want to grow. and if we don't? what then? what does that say of the company we keep? is it enough to say I trip through your wires?
listening to this new release, I realize kurt cobain truly spoke to me. nirvana's music tapped a spiritual vein, if you will, that few others have. I am altogether unsure of the value of that vein, or of it contents, except for the ability to say I don't like who cobain was, and I have no interest in being more like him; and yet, I appreciate his contribution. in keeping with that perverted logic, it might be said I am richer for my association with him.
and so my prayer remains the same as my prayer for john lennon, and in keeping with my first thought on hearing his voice after so many years ... "dear God, I hope Kurt is with you today."
here is why I am so ambivalent about the pending military action against iraq: bush has, in my mind, not shown a compelling case of why we need to decimate baghdad, as surely we will; and the democrats, well ... frank rich sums it up succinctly: "Do the Democrats stand for anything other than the next election?"
hawks and doves have this in common: they all feel there is no other, no better, no more reasoned or time-tested solution than their own. as an ambivalent member of the mushy middle, I am equal parts supportive of tightening every economic and financial screw on saddam hussein to the point that iraqis fall over from malnourishment in the streets to prove our point, and fusing parts of iraq into glass, to prove another. either one has its pitfalls, and as noble as it sounds, whether we go to war or do not will not stop iraqi people from dying. the question I wish our "leaders" would answer is, what are the true costs of (dis)engaging the military, and what will be the likely fallout of (non)action?
just once in our lifetime, I would be deeply gratified to see a national politician -- of either political stripe -- stand up in front of congress and say (s)he was willing to sacrifice the almighty election to do what is right, to say what must be said, and to have the integrity to take action on his/her conviction, the polls be damned.
then I rip the joy she came running over to share with me right out of her hands and kick her in the gut. the particulars aren't necessarily important here, but the lesson is: sometimes, you just leave a person in their happy moment well enough alone. especially when you desperately need such a moment of your own, even if it's lived out vicariously through someone else.
instead, human nature often makes us think we should make a happy person sink to our level of un-happy, rather than telling us to rise to their level of joy. this was one of those moments.
smack in java - not my favorite just because I like to think I discovered her for the rest of the web doxos - huw, how did you find yourself in san francisco? they got no cwoffee ... fly over country - can three folks on either side of the red river actually get along without coming to blows? chris and angela (oklahoma) & mike (texas) seem to be doing it just fine; stay tuned -- chris is gonna owe me $15 come saturday when chris simms blows the doors off his beloved sooners good dog bad dog - owen would be the righful pray naked domain owner if I hadn't beaten him to the punch dispatches from outland - ok, I don't really read roy enough; mostly because I have been lax in setting up a permanent link; no more excuses ... go give the boy some hits
when I'm off my game, as I am this week (especially today), these are the people who are happy to keep me on the straight and narrow. they'd be happy to keep you there too, if you are of the mind.
I think it was max lucado who said, in essence, if dwelling on the things that divide us is normal, then why go back to it? but when I hear tom daschle whine that george bush needs to apologize, or read simplistic, jingoistic, humorously sarcastic opinion dressed up for a crowd, I wonder if we haven't gone back to that "normal" we all said a year and three weeks ago we never wanted to return to again. don't believe me? then I submit you are not one to read any of the pundits with whom you disagree. that, or you don't often read your favorite pundit site with a dispassionate objectivism the blogs that favor your personal political proclivities.
it breaks down pretty neatly into one of two camps: the extreme conservative blogger waves his flag and proudly states, "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out", while the liberal blogger hugs her tree and proclaims "peace in our time." if that's too sharp a distinction, try this rule of thumb: if your favorite blog does not call the "other side" names your mother would make you eat soap for repeating, or refer to them as a marginalized, aberrant members of society (in the nicest possible way, of course), then the site is probably not of a political nature.
never have I been so dismayed by my fellow country(wo)men. never more in agreement with timothy and kelphelper and napalm that voting for (national, if not all) politicians is a pointless exercise. not that it wasn't once an important thing to do; and not that I'm going to stop doing it. but even I, the most naively optimistic (or optimistically naive) american there is, am tired of it all.
I don't believe bush is salivating at the thought of taking out saddam hussein, but I don't believe sen. kennedy or sen. byrd is really adamantly against bombing him back to the stone age. either way, they have a certain responsibility to their constituency; not only to be sensitive to what voters think and care about, but also to do what is right by them. and in this case, as in so many others, I do not believe they act with the people's best interest in mind (to say nothing of at heart).
it is more disheartening, however, to hear the average joe spout off about why saddam needs his to have his head raised on a pike, or another average joanne on why joe's troglodyte thinking deserves having his arse reamed with said device.
if I have learned anything from sept. 11, it is that the more things change, the less we see evidence of it a day later. resolve, it has been said, is never so high as the morning after it was so willingly abandoned.
we agreed to meet in the near future, talk some more about now my newfound cps prowess might benefit his company, and when the funding comes through that might allow him to hire someone of my ... eccentric background? exclusive ilk? unique skillset? ... then we might even talk some more. so we're not even at the "kick each other's tires" stage, but, as is my wont, I'm at the "we've already talked, and he's about to make me an offer" stage.
so indulge me, won't you? what fun is it not imagine someone wants to hire me for reasons I can only guess at?
I told him I couldn't leave where I am without a few more notches in my belt, and then only for a cco (chief creative officer) or cio (chief innovation officer) title. and in response to your crook'd eyebrow, I would submit a quote from real genius: gotta have my standards ...
once upon a time, I entertained three different job offers. they were all far from my current location, all requiring a major relocation and uprooting of my family. one was intended to be a two-year stint at an internet startup, with the promise of stock options. it was a sure thing that, in retrospect, would have been a great experience, but for the move and the stock options not coming through. maybe they did, but the whole 18-hour day thing wasn't that appealing.
another was in new orleans, and had I accepted the cto role, the contract would have stipulated to saints season tickets. it too would have been a great opportunity to mix my technology background with a chance to manage my own development team and dig deeper into my then dormant leadership skillsets, but for the severe economic downturn that capsized most of the internet startups this firm would be servicing. though still active in the industry with a fresh infusion of capital and some very solid clients, I don't know that I would have survived that big purge.
the other oppportunity, and the one that intrigued me the most, was in lombard, ill. this was the one that screamed "macker you need to work HERE!" the best possible environment, the coolest job going. I knew then but did not know how to articulate my desire to work with a group of other creative people, as I did not yet recognize my own creativity, but I did know I could be an integral part of their team. still, when it came time to communicate how I envisioned fitting into that team ... it came out as vague, nebulous and confident to the point of being conceited, rather than comprehensive, forward thinking, and leadership-oriented. though they did not go out of their way to impress me that day, I did not return the favor of blowing their socks off.
turns out they have had their own troubles of late. I'm not sure how I, as a member of the web development team, would have fared. even were I to have made a transition to supporting the production staff as a database administrator, I'm not sure I would have been immune to the blood that appears to have flowed in their hallways. further, there was this unsettled feeling about the area; it lacked ... culture. shopping mall hell.
where is he going with this?
it is my sense of each of these opportunities that they were mine for the asking. though the big idea place did not actually make me an offer, I was just disillusioned enough with the interview process that the struggle to say no would have been just a little less than the other two offers. in retrospect, they were all bad moves, but the choice was nonetheless mine to make. I did not have the benefit of hindsight that I have today to analyze each move and evaluate them objectively on their merits.
but this new opportunity ... it has great potential. it has "ground floor" and "chart your own course" written all over it. sure, the other three did too. and so did my current position, which has panned out pretty well. but this one would not require a move, just a longer commute to the tune of an hour more per day. given the four-year respite from two hours a day on the road, this is not so trivial a block of time as it used to be. that's an hour or two a day I could still be at home; a couple hours I could be at the soccer or baseball practices or recitals that we are bound to have in our schedule next year. that's a 45-mile gap between work and home that I can no longer bridge at lunch or a moment's notice to have lunch with a local friend. that's a lot of road time in bad weather.
the geography is less than the past opportunities, but suddenly its scale is not.
charitable my employer is really good about providing opportunities for employees to perform acts of community service. one of the most prominent is the annual charitable contribution program, wherein we have the chance to earmark a portion of our bimonthly paychecks to a local charitable / faith-based / non-profit organization. this year I decided that I don't care about whether I'm already maxing out the charitable deduction percentage on my taxes; I just want to give someone some money who will make good use of it. and there is the catch: why give if I don't know what they will do with the money, or how effective it really will be? worse, many of these organizations receive donations exclusively through the united way, which takes a handling fee off the top.
so I have narrowed down the list of potentials to the following. alas, amnesty international doesn't have a local office, and I want to give to something in my community. American Red Cross - Mission: Provides relief to victims of disasters and help people prevent, prepare for, and respond to emergencies. Big Brothers / Big Sisters - Mission: To aid children throughout Dutchess County, primarily from single parent families, in their healthy and functional growth into adult members of society and their communities. Dutchess Cty Cncl on Alcoholism/Chem Dependency - Mission: Established to promote prevention and reduction of alcoholism and chemical dependency. Dutchess Outreach - Mission: To meet the temporary, basic needs of individuals and families when no other resources are readily available to them. To act as an advocate through a referral and follow-up process for needy families and individuals. To act as an advocate by promoting and generating support for improvement in the systems' response to human needs. Habitat for Humanity - Mission: To provide simple, decent housing to those who traditionally cannot afford home ownership. Hudson River Housing, Inc. - Mission: Develops, rehabilitates, and operates emergency, transitional and permanent housing for low income and homeless families and individuals in Dutchess County. Juvenile Diabetes Foundation of the Hudson Valley - Mission: To find a cure for diabetes and its complications through the support of research. Literacy Volunteers of America Poughkeepsie Good Council - Mission: Provides a loving and nurturing family environment for single mothers who are in a crisis pregnancy and homeless. Youth Resource Development Corp - Mission: Expand the possibilities for young adults by providing opportunities for learning and growth, specifically in the areas of life skills, job training and community service.
this is a powerful, radical, and downright subversive notion. that I would make myself a bond servant, one who willingly disregards my own necessities for those of another. how many born-again Jesus freaks do you know who profess to that type of selflessness for their fellow bipeds?
"hi my name is joe." "hi joe, I'm your bond servant."
were I to have said, "I'm your slave", perhaps it would have been misinterpreted as kinky. but there is no lust, no selfish gain, no hidden agenda to the one who willingly gives herself over to another for that person's benefit. there is no sexual or financial gratification provided to me by laying down my life, as Jesus instructed, for the sake of another. true love, He said, has no one than to lay down one's life for another. there is a rightful nobility to the selflessness of the new york city firefighters, police and emergency crews who gave their lives on sept. 11, and those who continue to give their lives now, for the sake of their fellow earth-dwellers.
but this form of life sacrifice is of a purer form, because Jesus meant for us to lay down our lives for others daily. continually. consistently. without wavering. without question. without bitterness. no complaint, no remorse, no regret. and no second-guessing.
WHY? why would I do such a thing? why would He expect it of me?
because He did it for me. if my faith is that important to me; if my eternal welfare is of such concern; if I believe Jesus ransomed His life for mine, losing His -- as a bond servant -- so that I might gain mine; if all of that is true, then why should I expect of myself to do any less?
and yet. and yet if you have read me for even a week, or are just reading me today for the first time, either way you know I am a fool. and not a proverbial "fool for Christ", but a hardcore foolish man. foolish for professing one brand of faith and living another. foolish for presuming to think I speak for God and yet rarely speak to Him, much less listen for a corresponding answer. foolish, nay he is a stupid man, for professing to be a man of integrity and promises kept but unable to carry the same lexxicon with him to any conversation or hold his eye in check.
and therein lies the rub. Jesus elected to become a bond servant for me even while I was at the height of my indiscretions. even as we both continue to be so.
how can I be any less of a bond servant for the One who opted do it for me?
and so, if you know me, or you happen to meet me in the course of our time on earth, know these two things: as a spiritual being currently engaged in a human experience, I have made it my business to serve a higher cause by serving others; and if I happen to fall short of this standard, or become an otherwise human being having a "holier than thou" spiritual experience, you have my invitation and blessing to remind me of the commitment I have made.
because, as your fellow bond servant, I expect no less of you.
