pray naked experience
the crime is just human behavior.
wednesday, july 31
review what does one say with respect to films like road to perdition? clearly a well-crafted tragedy. sam mendes is no slouch as a director, and now has a reputation for distinctive plot twists. ditto his penchant for morally ambiguous themes. with perdition it is difficult, in one sense, to feel for mike sullivan (a refreshingly stoic departure for tom hanks, cast away not withstanding): he's a hitman. a second-tier gangster's right hand enforcer, who kills for a living. so to see the tables turned does not normally cause me to give in to empathy.
or would not, were it not hanks in the role. how can you not root for such an all-time good guy, even when he's a "bad guy?" short answer: you can't not root for him. when john rooney (an equally sympathetic figure portrayed by paul newman) tells sullivan the only sure thing in their business is no one will see heaven, sullivan says of his own son, "michael could." your fate, dear viewer, is sealed. hanks and newman's mutual screen time is as powerful as pacino and de niro's first onscreen pairing in heat, though perhaps not quite as tense. at first ...
the outcome is both predictable and unexpected in that the climax is long in arriving. take your deep breaths while you can, and thank jude law for the moments where you can't exhale. I don't know much of his work, but law is effective in delivering equal parts sleazy and downright scary. and demented. love it.
so what does one say? the theme falls short of a true redemptive quality, though it is certainly there. hanks is masterful, if difficult to picture as a professional killer. and yet, would there had been more of an emotional connection with the son. there is no doubting their love and loyalty; only the brisk pacing of the film that did not allow many rest stops to bond.
no matter: hanks deserves a best actor nomination; law a best supporting actor. that kid is ruthless.
cogent thought at
17:22 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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others' thoughts uncle sam is about to address the flock ... so while I'm too busy to write ... do check out some good quotes compiled by caleb.
cogent thought at
11:01 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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oy vey one hundred and one visits? personally, I think I've been given the short shrift by sitemeter ... I know for a fact they weren't reporting for almost an hour yesterday, and the hits were coming in fast and furious.
still, a new record by almost 110%. well done, folks. my humble thanks for your support. (also welcome to my new friend kathy and her friends from relapsed catholic).
cogent thought at
14:56 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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kitsch no more I only put the link up about four hours ago, and I already have 20 hits?? at this rate, I'll be in the top 100 by tomorrow. where's my soap?
UPDATE (7:16pm): I'm up to 110 after about 8 hours. that puts me at #75 tomorrow. not sure what that says about the ranking -- site or system.
cogent thought at
13:53 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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kitsch? also welcome to anyone who might possibly subscribe to the Christian top 1000. I even added a link to rate myself.
I feel so dirty.
cogent thought at
11:03 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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monday, july 29
culture my wife went to the met on saturday with a girlfriend. fair compensation, I should think, for leaving her alone with three kids for two weeks.
I don't know if it was my longstanding desire to know more of the aesthetic of life, the groundwork laid by my graduate courses, listening to how to think like leonardo da vinci (unabridged - six hours!), or all of the above, but I am so jealous. I have never been to the met (nor any museum for the sake of viewing art), much less the museum of natural history, but I have discovered a deep longing to see both, and more. I have never been much for "culture", but I desire to have it.
I have always had a fantasy about being a college professor. kind of the mad sterotype, with the tweed jacket (leather on the elbows), smoking a pipe, sitting in a small pub on blustery autumn nights, waxing rhapsodic about philosophy and such with a group of students, quaffing pints of ale or sipping strong coffee.
I have just as frequently fantasized about sitting at a little cafe on warm spring mornings, enjoying the paper before walking to class or returning home to continue work on the great american novel.
I still hold out hope that one or both of these fantasies will come true. this is a collegetown, after all.
call me a throwback to a bygone era, or perhaps a misplaced new yorker. a reincarnated pete hamill, banished to upstate new york for his past lifestyle, if you will. either way, I think it's time to check out some art exhibits.
these things I know for certain: 1. technology no longer sparks my interest like it once did. 2. I am overdue for a hiking trip to locust grove.
cogent thought at
15:30 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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despite these, I feel a certain responsibility to those who make the effort to view the site or stay subscribed to the list. I'm not sure it's fair to say any of the vast throng who weblog owe the reader much of anything, but there is some tacit understanding that if you come, I will in some way engage you. imus likes to say, he talks, you listen. there's something to be said for that (see the ween quote.). the natural corollary is, if I don't engage you, you don't bother to return. I'm guessing that applies to at least half of my daily visitors.
what, exactly, is a Jesus freak supposed to do?
cogent thought at
17:18 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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The whole principle and ethic of what we do is...we're trying to entertain ourselves. That's it. And we don't really care so much about other people. But the way it works is if you're having a good time and you're being honest, then it just transcends all that and people will dig it. And you play shows and they have a great time and you have a great time. The same with our records...we always said when it's not fun anymore then we'll quit.
push them lil' daisies and make 'em come up. assume the same principle applies here.
cogent thought at
11:07 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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proof positive (to me, at any rate) that you should not follow the advice stephen stills: "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
be friends first, kids. get to know all the irreconcilable differences before you say "I do", hmm? you'll thank me later.
cogent thought at
23:20 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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welcome congratulations to athena and scott ... ty robert joins the show already in progress.
cogent thought at
10:42 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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wednesday, july 24
hate after reading asparagirl's take on hate crimes I'm a tad conflicted. clearly, if there is a standard for applying the law to a crime, this is it. but as some of the responders are quick to point out, legislating certain acts as rising to the level of "hate crime" is a slippery slope that convicts based on one's thinking, and not one's actions. one wonders how many of us would be found guiltless should our thoughts become criminally prosecutable.
the weapons of our warfare one wonders how well this would play out elsewhere. probably would not have the intended affect. these women are serious. more naked power to them.
it's not my family, you understand, though they don't fully realize what has changed in two weeks. rather, it's me. something's different; I'm different. but when I got home, the press of life as we knew it before I left was ... suffocating. I feel it even now: the relentless press of inertia.
part of me wants to get up and drive for hours, sit on a beach, drink beer and watch the sun set; part of me wants to quit my job and start a new career. none of me wants to leave my family behind, but part of me doesn't want to deal with the reality of life right now. is this what people experience when they say they are in the midst of "finding" themselves? if so, I think I'd rather go back to being lost, hopelessly ignorant of the immense creativity lying dormant within; it hurts too much to just sit here.
cogent thought at
12:55 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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and yet I wonder ... who would mourn this man's passing?
cogent thought at
15:13 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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friday, july 19
little women marya thought of me today; and I really do take the thought as a compliment that she would so earnestly want me to learn about feminism ... and no doubt it's eye-opening. no doubt about her hunches. and yet, it's funny to me how my fellow Jesus freaks and I get neatly pegged as misogynist, racist and intolerant; if we lived it right, and those doing the pegging were really willing to consider an alternate perspective, they'd find that many of my ilk are the most open-minded, progressive folks you'd ever care to meet.
nice to see that true feminists don't hate men. clearly marya doesn't hate men (that we could be such good friends is a marvel to me), but I have this nagging thought that there is still an agenda behind the writer's definition. at the least, it smacks of marginalization to me: sexist thought is bad. not arguing the point, but my initial reaction is, can (and do) non-man-hating feminists separate people who display sexists tendencies from their sexism? not that it much matters to me. I believe in women being treated with equality, dignity and respect, same as all minorities, same as gays, same as patriarchal-mass-media-educated-whitebread-Jesus-freak-2nd-amendment-prolife-conservative.agnostic-middle-class-suburbanite-angst-ridden-angstless me. how tough is that?
I appreciated the poem so much more. just this evening I was speaking with one of my fellow cohorts about how I fear my daughter will hate (I mean despise or disdain) me in just 10 short years. I really do look at her and wonder just how much more beautiful she'll be, what types of men she will be attracted to, if she will carry with her that precious smile, if she will ever stop sharing it with me.
thank you, gerald locklin, for giving me hope.
cogent thought at
01:58 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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not unlike my definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your brand new lexus . . .
cogent thought at
02:20 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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tuesday, july 16
wings have finally tried the originals. neat story, neat bar, serious buzz from the single glass of wine on an empty stomach. proof positive I am a lush, and fairly proud of it.
busy with classes + no internet connection in my room until yesterday = few site updates. soon to unveil the very awe-inspiring creativity case study written for last week's course. do hold your breath.
cogent thought at
19:49 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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people all up in arms about whether the phrase "under God" should be in the pledge seem to me to miss the point: either it ("one nation, under God") is a trueism or it isn't. it surely was at one time; conservative Christians (like my politically agnostic, 2nd-amendment advocating, Jesus freak self) like to think we still are, or at least should be. whereas my friends marya, marcus, nigel, timothy and others of their ilk may disagree that He did or should be included. no matter: facts are facts. and whatever the facts may be, and no matter how thick the rosey pink glasses we all choose to wrap around our closed-minded, biased heads may be, you play the cards as they lay. I believe in God and country, my liberal friends seem to believe in neither.
I tend to side with scalzi on this matter, for the record, though I might differ in this matter: it's a show, a ritual, a tradition my generation (current thirtysomethings) were brought up repeating daily in school. I am proud of this country, but having recited the pledge all of three times since graduating from high school, I do not much care if the pledge is constitutional or not. my allegiance is to the republic, not its symbol. my faith in one nation, under God (or not) is intact.
and as I like to think dr. martin luther king, jr. might wanted to have said in a poignantly visceral moment: support nonviolence, or I'll kick your ass.
cogent thought at
18:47 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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monday: lost thinkpad due to system crash. lost cd player due to old age. lost ability to watch a dvd to unwind. briefly lost patience with customer service center in midst of 5-way conference call to change shipping address. working for IBM as I do, you'd think they'd take special care of me. this is a known phenomena in companies that do not always walk the leadership talk: employees should always be treated as good as the company's best customers. test this in your organization, and if they fall short, ask yourself: in what ways might I help improve internal customer service? the serendipity of improved morale is worth more money than the federal reserve can print.
tuesday: much, much better day. though I spent scads of prepaid minutes with IBM and airborne express. spent a little less talking to the missus about my bruised and battered psyche.
maybe you call it bad luck; my karma got run over by your dogma, or some such I was punished for killing to many bugs on the thruway travelling in excess of 80mph (yes, even Jesus freaks speed; call it a divine mandate). whatever. it wasn't a fun night -- I needed a serious nap and was plenty bummed this morning -- but I call it a wakeup call to focus on what matters in the now: my research paper, my homework, my wife and children (now 400 miles away). more pointedly, I view it as a call to spend time with God in prayer and devotional time. warped? hardly. think of what lengths you'll go to in order to get receive attention. God has a sense of humor, if a tad demented. I like that in the Almighty.
current: time for research; want to help? I'm doing a case study on the creative problem solving prowess of nate the great, and the real world application of studying a fictional child detective. think encyclopedia brown with a sense of humor.
cogent thought at
18:03 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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had coffee with a fellow Jesus freak friend this week, who recounted the time in which he came to recognize his need for Jesus. he said the man who ultimately invited him to church, to learn more about faith, "never pushed, always pulled." I thought that was the most eloquent explanation for the way Jesus gathered followers to himself: never pressured, never coerced, always invited. freud said of da vinci, "we respect him by learning from him." would that I were so respected. would we all were.
cogent thought at
11:32 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [
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"One reason, cited by almost everybody, is a need for spiritually."