but all is well that ends well. it went well today. a little slow in the beginning (this stuff is a tad dry), but the kids really got into the notion of being proactive, and they were even into the marble metaphor of time management (habit 3: first things first; see through the lens of importance over urgency).

this could be the beginning of something big. or I could retire. it's even money right now after the stress I put myself through.
cogent thought at 20:36 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


thursday, may 30

nervous
call it part hobby, part career aspiration: I am developing a serious passion for organizational dynamics. you know: leadership, teamwork, creative problem-solving, that sort of thing. I have a decent following at work and at church, also one local non-profit, but tomorrow is a little different. I'm facilitating a workshop based on stephen covey's seven habits. the kicker is, it's for a group of high school-age kids, all working on earning their g.e.d.'s and either getting jobs or going to college. teenagers, in my experience, are a tough nut to crack in terms of facilitating an interactive session. but I'm told this crowd is tougher: these are the sort that were unwilling or unable to put it all out for a conventional classroom setting. I'm not sure how this thing is going to pan out ...
cogent thought at 15:29 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


tuesday, may 28

about a boy
picture of a boy: my son, the little man. a person in his own right, albeit smaller, all of five years old. a wicked sense of humor, a disarming smile, a charmer. so advanced in years, yet so prone to emotional outburst. he is so like me it is unnerving. minus the dislocated hip. observing him is like standing outside myself and watching me interact.

picture of my father: a wicked sense of humor, a disarming smile, a charmer. a man who has not changed in thirty-some years. except, perhaps, by growing angrier. and yet, more sensitive. the two emotions are more finely tuned, or else I am more finely attuned to them in him. as I see myself in my son, I see my father in me: all the irrational fears and inferior complexities that hide behind the anger and hurt, only peering out when alone or in the company of those possessing parental qualities my psyche tells me I missed during childhood.

picture of me: hung up on my son's messy room more than his academic prowess that is, like his father's was, and his father before him, arguably the most advanced in his class. hung up on his bad attitude at home when he is a stellar student in class. oblivious to his passion for the outdoors due to my own lackadaisical attitude, wherein I would rather sit by the water's edge and read than actually exert energy and apply a worm to a fishhook.

picture a dilemma: it has been said the first step toward recovery is admitting there is a problem. it has also been said the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. my spirit is so willing. and my flesh is so weak.
cogent thought at 16:07 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


monday, may 27

referral link of the day
photographs+of+myself+naked

fish
my five-year-old son caught a sunfish this weekend. I caught two, along with a 1-lb. bass (we released them all). I had no idea he had the fishing bug before saturday: he spent the entire day either on the dock or in our friend's boat, rod and reel firmly in hand. now if I could only get him to cut his own worms . . .
cogent thought at 09:33 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


thursday, may 23

responsibility
I think peznoreos is on to something here. parents should recognize their inherent responsibility to raise their children. they should be valued more than a radish. or a pet, even. but should it end there?

if we follow the argument that some people should not be allowed to procreate without some serious indoctrination on their subsequent responsibilities and associated loss of rights to privileges of non-parents -- a concept I find most appealing, not unlike mandatory driver's ed with an accountability mechanism that has some serious teeth to it -- perhaps we should also conclude that some of those same people should be made to understand the risks of conceiving.

why don't we spend more time teaching kids -- and, almost more important, irresponsible adults -- that we reap the wild oats we sow? why should it take an unwanted pregnancy to cause a couple to realize they really didn't want to be responsible for children in the first place? why isn't bill bradley's mantra "safe, legal and rare" taught or mandated? forgetting where this could end, we would do well to pursue the argument to its its logical origin: for every action, there is an equal and opposite consequence.
cogent thought at 13:42 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

injection
I am a capital punishment agnostic. I believe in the legal principle that presumes my life to be forfeit should I jeopardize another. still, I am firmly seated on the fence as to whether this means my life should be taken now or after it is lived out to its otherwise natural conclusion in prison without parole. I kind of side with red in shawshank redemption; one way or another, the murderer will forfeit his/her life. and yet I recognize losing it now rather than later assures he/she will not take another, life sentence or no.

when asked recently where I stand on johnny martinez's execution. I certainly would like to think if he had murdered one of my children, I would forgive him in much the same way the victim's mother, lana norris, did. hers is a model of Christian love and forgiveness; our children are a gift from God, and therefore not our own. she responded with grace and dignity and love for her fellow mortal, flawed human being, just as Jesus responded to us. we could do no less.

but does his apparent repentence justify clemency from death row? I'm not sure how this case is any different from karla faye tucker's.

do you have strong feelings on the death penalty? I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.
cogent thought at 10:15 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


wednesday, may 22

lessons
hallelujah. here's to one more chorus of "free at last."

søren kierkegaard wrote, "the main trouble with Christians these days is that no one is killing them." it was satire then; it won't be the next time.

nfl great cris carter's career is suddenly a cautionary tale on reaping what you sow. casual fans of the sport will recognize the sad tale, if not the specifics: better dealing is a big no-no, and cris got the business end of the shaft for his opportunism. never, ever stand up the one who brung ya to the dance.

in keeping with the theme: well done, pastor. now that she's not going to re-enroll her daughter in the school next year and has left the church, care to review what you gained by kicking her out in the first place?

I am officially boycotting maureen dowd. though my brand of caustic wit, she is just.not.rational. you need some recreational therapy, maureen, in the way most bloggers need a life.

yes, damian, I would watch. now get a new webpage template. you too, dave.
cogent thought at 14:18 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

review
attack of the clones is bad. bad, bad, bad. phantom menace had more continuity than this, fercryingoutloud. but the yoda fight scene was pretty cool. yoda does a very cheesy martial arts move at the beginning of the scene, a la bruce lee, wherein I was struck with the thought that lucas should have filmed a portion of the scene with yoda in the air, stop-motion, 360-degree style, like trinity in the first matrix fight scene. otherwise, I was not let down: I went in expecting it to suck, and mr. lucas was not good enough to disappoint me.

shame ... I was so hoping to be impressed. must go dig up episodes 4-6 and block these last (first? ugh) two from memory.
cogent thought at 00:32 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


tuesday, may 21

overhead
I made a permanent reference to my wishlist ... NOT this one. though I must admit, I think I should add some goofy items to my list.

plus, I added some required listening, a permanent links list, and a goofy subtitle randomizer for my own amusement. talk about value-add, huh?
cogent thought at 17:46 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

sharpies
not unlike the spear gun incident, perhaps they will outlaw magic markers next?

a brief perusal of the latest blogger updates begs the question, what makes us think we are interesting to the rest of the world?

not happy with the quality of education these days? perhaps more kids should be home-schooled.

I started my blog three months before ernie. do you think if I had kept at it I'd be as web-famous as he is? me neither. stop laughing.
cogent thought at 10:14 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


monday, may 20

brick walls
ever come to the realization that you can't do it all on your own? this was that kind of weekend. it isn't as though I didn't know this, just that I didn't bother go pay it any heed. reactive, indeed. a recurring theme playing itself out on so many levels.

where do you turn when you know what you need to do, but you steadfastly refuse to do it? do you fight the urge to change, knowing all along the change is good for you? knowing the change will make your life better, allow you to be more at peace with yourself, more willing to step out and try new things? what makes us cling to the old (if tried and true) in favor of the "new" (to us, at any rate)? what keeps us from taking that one critical step of faith that opens up to us a new world of opportunity? if you have taken that step, I'd love to hear how you did it.

quickie reviews
spy game was fun. ditto the cosby retrospective on nbc last night.
from hell wasn't.

belated
meant to do this yesterday, when it would have been on time: happy birthday, nigel.
cogent thought at 17:09 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


saturday, may 18

blustery
cold, gloomy and rainy today. snow, even. frost tomorrow. somehow I've allowed it to affect my mood. not very covey-esque of me, I'm afraid. affecting my ability to write, too, such as it is. more later; may have some amusing anecdotes following a late-afternoon graduation party.

did I mention my graduate program is back on?
cogent thought at 15:42 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


friday, may 17

the vicious cycle
captain napalm neatly sums up the problem with our educational system today: we're so afraid of addressing root cause issues for what they are that we become consumed with fighting the symptoms. or as was elegantly stated elsewhere, we feed on our addictions until they, in turn, feed on and ultimately kill us. Jesus said, "by your fruit you shall know them." that pertains to all of my ilk who proudly profess their Jesus-freakdom on their t-shirts, as well as those who insist on fighting immorality with humanistic rationale. conflict only intensifies when we entrench ourselves in our perceptions. consequently, in their zeal, zero-tolerance folks end up straining at a gnat by not asking what causes kids to misbehave, or why zero tolerance is even necessary. to draw on a common theme of late, it is a highly reactive answer to a much more imporant question.

let's break the abstract down into obscure metaphor: addressing the symptom and not the problem is putting a bucket under a leaky roof instead of repairing the leak. more times than not I am inclined to chastise myself for the words that come out of my mouth; feeling chagrined for my verbal faux pas, I vow not to speak words in haste, instead of vowing to replace them with words of encouragement. where I fail is to change the pattern. in covey-speak, to rescript myself. to become a transition figure. to be proactive in my speech by thinking positive thoughts; to dwell on positive influences and thought patterns rather than negative ones.

because our words are expressions of our heart attitudes, we should always be looking to address the heart issues -- what comes in at the root -- but remain vigilantly aware of the potential negative influence of our words and actions -- what comes out as fruit -- lest we find ourselves forever chasing our tail. each story has a common thread in that the respective school officials (and, to a similar extent, the parents) were mind-numbingly efficient in rooting out symptoms of much deeper ills. as thoreau said, 'for every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.' in each case, the tail is wagging the dog.

call this phenomena the dandelion effect: for every one bad habit lopped off in a person's life, without regard to the source of the problem, there are a legion of others clamoring to take its place. tell me to shut up and the evil bound up in my heart will make itself known in ways more pervasive than my speech.

one wonders ... should this be the official outfit of the pray naked experience? (note: the pray naked experience does not support nudist groups or any individual group, per se. your mileage may vary.)
cogent thought at 12:44 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


thursday, may 16

drive-by's
here's hoping no one approves of such measures. the cynical among us might wonder if there won't be copycat crimes. the truest of cynics might wonder if there won't be public support for copycat attempts.

come the fall, it is likely that all my kids will be attending an assemblies of God-based Christian school. I like to tweak the locals by saying I'm not keen on them knowing the f-word in kindegarten, like some of the neighbor kids. but the truth is, I am neither willing to subject them to someone else's indoctrination that they are not prepared to assimilate into their thinking process, nor willing to refute it on a daily basis at the dinner table. providing them with a safe, nurturing environment is more paramount to me at this stage of their lives than the fullest range of diversity of thought that the poughkeepsie city school district has to offer.

that said, the school in particular has a pretty good quality of service standard. they take kids in who do not profess to having a relationship with Jesus Christ, but they do have a serious code of ethics for attending. they don't take all applicants, but if there are special circumstances (not read, special needs), they are accomodating. last I knew, they didn't ask what my occupation was, though I suppose I didn't care that they knew. I didn't ever expect they would question my means for paying for tuition.

but this just strikes me as ludicrous. first off, how did they ever find out the mother was a stripper? and more to the point, how do they have a right to tell parents what occupations are disallowed for parents of students? how is that their right to dictate? and what does it say about their concern for the spiritual welfare of the mother or her child? (especially when she is quoted as stating the job was taken on to help defray the cost of tuition!) granted, I would agree that she should not teach sunday school at the church while employed in such a manner; but I am quite on the fence about her not being allowed to even attend.

then again, I'm not affiliated with the assemblies of God.
cogent thought at 16:42 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


wednesday, may 15

buckle up
all I can say is, yeah, baby. end of euphoria.

how can one not grieve over such a story as this, wherein the victim feels there was nothing left to live for? what makes a person so desperate that the final exit seems the only alternative? I am equal parts emotional basketcase and extreme cynic at times like these.

other cases in point that leave me deeply divided ... at my elder's meeting last night, we discussed how the church might assist three different families in time of crisis: one unwed teenage couple, now pregnant, intent on carrying to term and keeping the baby, but not marrying; one man on the "deadbeat dad" roll who lost his job, can't afford the alimony payments and wound up in jail; and a family of five, celebrating their 3-year-old's return home from open heart surgery, left homeless by a fire.

most people I know find an extreme alternative easiest to comprehend when under extreme duress. I'm sure I've contemplated my own final exit from time to time; I'm sure it's a natural thing. I'm also sure we don't, in most circumstances -- extreme or otherwise -- consider all the alternatives. feeling like life has pushed us into a corner, we are left with but one choice. "don't you see? there's no way out!"

I find the "logical" alternative to be a knee-jerk response. like gun control, abortion and euthanasia, suicide is the ultimate reactive action. it is the height of selfishness. it is inconsiderate to the ultimate n^th degree. and I grieve for those who feel they are left with no other options. but I believe God grieves the most. especially when His alternative, while no less extreme, is always available for the asking.
cogent thought at 11:02 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


tuesday, may 14

mango blues, baby
introducing my new favorite blog.

this just seems to, uh, fit the referral sourceswe've been getting lately. that said, what the heck do these pastors expect of 'ungodly' folks?!? quoth one unnamed pastor, "it's like what you see on tv." um, duh?

not saying I endorse the topless club's methods of attracting their constituents to the golf course. not saying I'm down on the pastors in the article for being upset. especially when the course is apparently in the line of sight of a local school. I appreciate the human form as much as any male, but I would neither want the temptation foisted on me, nor on my children.

just saying ... consider the times in which we live, dear pastor/friend. why do we expect the morals of those who have none/less than us/a serious difference of opinion to be equal to our own? once upon a time it may have been universally considered in bad taste; dude, ozzy frickin' osbourne is popular again. is there more to say? I thinketh not, he said condescendingly.

simple pleasures
in one fell swoop, and by total happenstance, I found three sites with current rants about star wars, lord of the rings and spider man. I had such disappointing (multiple) viewings of the two former that I now have zero expectations about the latter. which is why pearl harbor didn't suck for me: I went in anticipating it would suck big time.
cogent thought at 15:29 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


monday, may 13

quotes
upon seeing this, I felt compelled to further quote goethe as follows:

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences progress in ever greater extent and depth, and the human mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the gospels, it will not go."
cogent thought at 19:18 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

missed
we had a record day on friday, then I promptly suspended blog submissions. thanks to all who bumped up the visitor counts, and sorry for not being there for you over the weekend.

while away I learned too many things to be able to enumerate them all here. for starters, I never liked fairs or festivals as a kid. I'm not a go out in public kind of guy ... as though public events were for everyone else but me. paralyzed with fear, and all that.

so when we took the kids to a local spring festival, and they all wanted to involve themselves in the activities, I was at once relieved and surprised. one got 1^st place, one got 3^rd, the other a ribbon; all for a foot race they each individually declared interest in running. my kids are mostly like me -- reserved in public, outspoken in private -- but this seeming reversal of personality caught me by surprise. and a pleasant one at that.

I also discovered something about myself. I weigh 205 pounds. this is not an all-time high, but it's darn close. I remember being thrilled to hit 100 at age 12 or so, but never, ever intended to surpass 185. and yet here I am. fasting (for spiritual reasons) in the past has done a world of good at shedding the weight, but certainly does not help cultivate sensible eating habits. I have used the weight watchers point system in the past and intend to do so again. the question is, why does it not bother me more to eat improperly than to stop eating?
cogent thought at 11:33 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


friday, may 10

random bits
it appears brett was on a serious procrastination kick. and good thing too, 'cause I was just wondering what his favorite movies of all-time are. turns out we intersect on, maybe, three of them. there is just no reconciling the analytical (heavy on the anal) mind and the minimalist creative one. think I'll rent ocean's eleven tonight.

note to self: nigel has an awe-inspiring eye. I must update the site with some of his submitted work. to do tonight.

jaxon is wacked.

not being a musician myself, I still find drummer jokes and the like pretty funny.

after reading somebody as funny as ernie, one wonders why a pasty white boy like me would throw his hat into the ring.
cogent thought at 15:00 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


thursday, may 9

thanks to all who are making the pray naked experience #1 on google.

I tried to come up with a good dig on the stones' new tour. best I can do is to quote imus: "You can't be 60 years old and writhing around in a pair of leather pants talking about how you can't get no satisfaction. You can't get an erection."
cogent thought at 13:10 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

soapbox
I'm really not a political animal. honest. I do have strong feelings about the political process, and they seem pretty closely aligned with these, but I find the debates tiresome. like those who believe in God, but not religion: I'm politically agnostic. I believe government can do good things, and that its true purpose is to serve the constituency, but at the national level, it has become such a sham. at the state level, people are more enamored with the sound of their own voice. and at the local level, there are many, many well-meaning folks who inevitably find themselves caught up in the rhetoric. that said, I am a strong supporter of my city councilman and county legistlator, both of whom I have either met or spoken to at length on the phone. mr.'s volkman and pizzuto still give me hope in the process.

and yet, I believe our collective reliance on government inevitably empowers the machine more than the worker bees. to assume legislation will cure our societal ills strikes me as misguided. as a HUGE supporter of martin luther king, jr., I recognize the critical role government played in giving credibility to the civil rights movement. I also recognize that had government acted properly after the civil war, there may have been no need for the civil rights movements of the 1960's.

do you know who dr. king appealed to for support when rosa parks was arrested? do you know who was galvanized into action? the church.
cogent thought at 10:33 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


wednesday, may 8

and furthermore
just gave a 45-minute overview of stephen covey's seven habits book, which I also took as a three-day course. earned several new speaking engagements as a result, to boot. and to think this thing was just a cool pasttime. I SO rock.

someone was just referred to the site by google. dude, come back! I'll tell you why prayer is good.

liberals beware: annie may yet get her gun. why is this significant? because it has been somewhere in the neighborhood of eight years since private handgun owners have been able to breathe a sigh of relief that the federal government isn't on the way to confiscate their weapons and incarcerate them. or worse. why do I care about gun control? in seven habit speak, because it is the most reactive philosophy of government rule I know. it does nothing to address the root cause issues, it marginalizes responsible, legal gun owners (at best) or vilifies them (at worst) and brands them enemies of all that is good and holy by people, from my own experience, who know not what a gun is for. there are an estimated 65 million legal gun owners in the united states. the ratio of legal to illegal owners, and responsible to irresponsible, is staggeringly in favor of the former. seems to me that for the past eight years the needs of the very few have outweighed the needs of the very, very many. (for marya)
cogent thought at 13:54 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

debrief
took two days off to become certified. that makes me for hire. also have returned from a temporary assignment to another group and am back in my old haunts. life is good.

kylie update: marya reminded me that kylie has been around at least as long as madonna. I forgot. the point, which was probably lost in the midst of the timeline controversy, is that I fail to grok the necessity for provocation. either your work stands on its own merit or it doesn't. I recognize the irony of deriving perverse pleasure from divulging my website name to fellow conservative Christians. but if you could only see their faces . . .

while I was away I resurrected a couple sections of the original experience site. the updates aren't finished yet, but there is stuff to behold. first stop is unguarded moments, wherein fellow readers are welcome to share their own angst. the one essay I have updated for the new site template is from timothy, a good friend with no good reason for having so many dogs.

also revamped is a different kind of light, wherein readers are encouraged to share their interpretation of praying naked. (it is true, I may make more out of the zenlike nature of praying naked than is reasonable.) catherine sets a very high standard with her essay "naked gardening". catherine has published some of the most memorable websites to come along; my hope is she'll re-create her virtual self once more.

thanks for waiting, and happy reading.
cogent thought at 09:09 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


sunday, may 5

weeds
apparently I was the only feeling any righteous indignance toward kylie minogue. I'm sure it won't be the last time. down with kurbrick -- bring back madonna!

in other news, the lawn awaits. I must do battle with the evil amazon dandelions. just say no to herbicide.
cogent thought at 15:39 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


saturday, may 4

is there a pattern forming here?
from the "I just don't get it" dept.: what would kylie minogue find exciting about a movie that glorifies rape? her latest concert tour is "inspired" by the costumes. like britney, janet and the myriad of hottie female vocalists before her, I question minogue's desire to increase her concert attendence by enticing people with salacious, troublesome notions that bring into question the value of women beyond that of sex objects, rather than on sheer talent. go ahead and write me if you can explain it, but don't tell me it's ok because she was also inspired by the costumes of star wars.

and from the "it was bound to happen eventually" dept.: I found another site with the exact same template as the pray naked experience. oh well. at first glance he seems a fairly reasoned guy, but his satire rag seems too intent on offending for the sake of offending.

I found the pragmatic liberal through a series of site click-throughs inspired by my friend marya, who challenged my claim that I'm the most open-minded Jesus freak you know. so far I stand by it, though I found some reasoned minds in lexxicon's athena, the angry clam, and instapundit. a further reading of angry clam shows a very serious undercurrent of conservative anger in berkeley. also a few strains of liberal anger, all of which are directed at one another. seems the makings of a good online soap, if one were inclined to follow it.

I'm not.
cogent thought at 08:29 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


friday, may 3

survey says
surveys such as the one mentioned here always give me pause: what makes a great guitar player? is it range or versatility or expertise? does style play a part? when jimi hendrix, jimmy page and eddie van halen are the top rated guitarists (all of whom I love), I just have to wonder how they determine the criteria.
cogent thought at 15:02 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

the agony
and just to show how quickly life can turn on you ... am in a virtual conversation with my team lead ... she can't justify my being away for two weeks for the initial coursework. this could set the whole process back by a year. and to think I wasn't even aware of it all two days ago. this could really suck.
cogent thought at 12:22 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]

...and the ecstasy
some days, life just doesn't get any better. this week I took a very cool course at work on creative problem solving. the instructor is tops, and turned me on to the graduate program he's in; I'm signing up for the one-year certificate program next week. then he gladly accepted my request to formally mentor me in my career. too great.

so I hang up the phone, and another co-worker im's me and asks if I want to split his jets season tickets. YOW. this particular friday rocks, baybee.
cogent thought at 12:12 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]


wednesday, may 1

class is done, work slows down friday. we'll try and resume between now and then. learn more about the author while you wait.

meanwhile, whatever became of rocky allen?
cogent thought at 19:20 courtesy of Michael Ackerbauer [ ]